Months ago I rashly offered to facilitate a session at the third #WomenEd unconference about Teaching with Autism. I offered to share some of the barriers others inadvertently create to restrict me & my Autism. This was part of me developing my confidence at sharing my own SEND to enable other staff and students to embrace their own challenges because I want to do my bit to change perspectives.
The day did not start well! I had made the decision to get the train as it would be more comfortable for my broken leg than driving to Sheffield. I parked at the station, checked train was on time, bought my ticket, walked to the platform to discover in those few minutes the train had been cancelled. I enquired about the next train; it would get me to Sheffield just before 10 so I decided to drive. Back to the car & a £6 parking charge for the 10 minutes I'd been at the station did not impress me! I set off again for Sheffield. As I was driving along the A500 & A50 I realised that I was shouting at other drivers and driving aggressively. I had turned into one of my EBD students ;) I turned off the radio to think and realised that the unexpected change in plans had made me anxious (Driving to Sheffield wasn't a worse plan than the train, it wasn't my plan) which had manifest itself as anger. That moment of clarity was an eye opener & made me realise that when a student says "I don't know why I did it, it just happened" they really don't!
Speaking to an audience hasn't worried me for a long time yet yesterday I was very nervous. This was different, this wasn't talking about education or research or school, I was sharing the Me I've spent my whole life trying (& failing) to hide. I didn't know if anyone would turn up, would it be better if they didn't, why would anyone want to listen to my ramblings etc.
I am Autistic and have aphantasia & prosopagnosia. I am me not in spite of or because of these things, they're part of my uniqueness.
I have reflected about the overwhelming response I had yesterday whilst processing to understand it. Having exhaustingly invested mental energy for all of my life in trying to appear neurotypical (which I don't think I've ever succeeded at!) I struggled, and still am, to process the complete acceptance.
Over the years I have received, both asked & unasked for, feedback about how colleagues perceive me. On one side there are those who find me passionate, enthusiastic & quirky or eccentric, on the other are those who find me rude, abrasive, superior, arrogant and patronising. I think of myself as being the former, if others perceive me differently then I need to try harder to explain my special needs. I'd perhaps spent so long trying to fit in that I'd forgotten the word NEEDS, that this isn't a choice.
I can be so overwhelmed by the noise of school life that I choose to isolate myself. The projector and lights can be so loud that I miss things said in the classroom as I'm concentrating so hard in tuning our the distractions. Colleagues find it strange that I choose to work in my classroom in the dark rather than share work space. I am going to make more of an effort to find a compromise and timetable slots where I will go and work with others.
That solution leads me to another problem. Small talk. Hell! What do people talk about? Staff rooms are my personal hell. I'm ok at a real conversation and so I try to create a list of real things I can ask different people about, e.g. has X improved now that he's on homework report? This would be a lot easier if I could recognise my colleagues well enough to start those conversations. Lol!
The incredibly beautiful souls that came were perfect. I have never felt so accepted for my oddities before. They said I was brave for being honest, I disagree with that label.
I've been trying to think of a concise set of advice for leaders of staff with Autism, this is my work in progress:
1. Be open & honest. Say exactly what you mean, someone with Autism cannot easily navigate the minefield of hidden meanings. That goes for interview panels too.
2. Provide work spaces that aren't over stimulating. Listen to the coping strategies your staff have already identified. Help them find compromises for shared working practices.
3. Start meetings on time. Those few minutes might not seem much but if you're going through the hell of making small talk they're an eternity!
4. If you have staff with prosopagnosia share staff lists with photos. I have been printed out at home and use them like flashcards in an evening to try and get it right.
5. Attempting to appear neurotypical is exhausting. Be understanding & flexible, our brains need longer to recharge.
6. A common trait in autistic women is oversharing & answering direct questions. Utilise this as a strength & if you can't then be explicit about subjects that are over the line. For example I would never discuss my sex life with students (that'd be weird & even I can see that it's over the line!) and am comfortable discussing my SEN, IVF and being in an abusive relationship. To me these aren't over the line as I'm comfortable talking about them.
7. If your staff constantly have to ask where rooms are please don't get frustrated. I do try to learn my way around!
8. If an Auristic member of staff is trying to burn their bridges please please please don't let them! (I'll write a separate post about this)
9. Don't ask things in the corridor etc without following it up with an email; if it's not written down it won't happen. Not a deliberate thing, not poor memory, we'rewired differently.
10. Being a teacher with SEN can be incredibly isolating & lonely. Make time to check on people quietly.
Thank you #WomenEd
Any thoughts/ comments/ questions/ clarifications tweet or DM me @NuttySalt or email me saltcatherine@gmail.com
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