My #WomenEd story (part 1)

Yesterday I found myself being more than 10% braver and sharing with some beautiful people at #womened about being a teacher with SEND. I've been reflecting today about how I got to that point. I think #SLTCamp started me on this path three years ago (it must be longer ago than that?). I will always be grateful for the lessons I learnt that weekend.

Two years ago before and after the first #womened unconference I wrote these on Staffrm & made a promise to myself to be more open & honest about the challenges of life with special needs. I firmly believe that tolerance in our schools begins with tolerance of ourselves. I believe I owe my students my honesty as they accept me and my differences without question. Various line managers have in the past said that I'm trying to change the world as critiscim; I am trying to, unashademedly. Changing the world is why I'm in education, aren't you?

Before #WomenEd Unconference

Who am I?

I'm sat on a train to London very early on Saturday morning on my way to the first @womened unconference reflecting on what I want to get out of today and how I got this far.

I started out as a teacher determined that I never wanted to leave the classroom; part of me still feels that way, why would anyone want to spend less time doing the best bit of the job? But, as most of us, I accepted a little responsibility which grew until I applied for more. With schools the single role that changed me the most was training teachers, it excited and challenged me. I loved the feeling when a trainee achieved their target after all the hard work and determination to succeed. My teaching improved as they brought fresh ideas, a new perspective is something I always value.

Alongside this I was going through my own kind of hell which did eventually impact on work; two and a half rounds of unsuccessful ivf. I questioned everything about my own existence, my purpose in life and ultimately "who am I?" I came out the other side a more driven leader, very career focused and not ashamed to be ambitious. The green eyed monster gets out occasionally when I need to set work for a student on maternity leave from school or when someone close shares their joy at expecting a baby but I have done my grieving for the life I might have had and am genuinely happy with who I am today.

My challenge is that being career focused and unapologetically ambitious evokes a different response than if I were male. I struggle to make small talk and my efforts are often painful for all concerned which makes it easier for all if I stick to work conversations in work. This means some people find me stand-offish or cold (which I'm far from) and I know I need to work harder at this. Male colleagues generally appreciate my straight talking, honest approach and usually aren't threatened by my goals. Female colleagues, however, often respond with barbed comments and work hard to put me down. 

Attending events like @womened is regarded as me 'sucking up'. As Emma Barnett says in her TED talk the "dominance penalty" promotes men for acting dominantly but penalises women for acting the same forcing women to choose between ambition and being liked by colleagues. I've come to accept that as an ambitious woman my friends are out of work, which does make the work life balance easier, but I shouldn't have to develop an even thicker skin as a defence to spiteful jealous comments from female colleagues. After all we're all in education for the same purpose - to make a difference for our students. 

After #WomenEd Unconference

 

Make them giants

Aside from the personal tortures of small talk (think I managed ok?) and a visualisation walk (it's at times like this I really wish I had a minds eye but at least I can name the problem now - aphantasia) yesterday was truly amazing. I've come away feeling reenergised and motivated.

I was staggered to realise just how many women I respect suffer from imposter syndrome. It reminded me of an early PGCE lecture, a lifetime ago, where a head told us that if our parents weren't professionals we had no right to be there as we had no understanding of what it meant to be a professional. That made me determined to show him just how wrong he was (no idea who he was though!) whilst others gave up and left the course. Discussing this sometime later I discovered that he'd also said that if our parents were professionals we had no right being there. What interests me now is that the message that was applicable to each of us stuck with us and either added to our reason to give up or motivated us to be better. The male students had, in the main, laughed and joked about it and forgotten it. While us women had held it close for all that time. I still expect someone to tell me I shouldn't be there because...... But I don't need to anymore. I've earned my place, we all have, and we should celebrate that.

If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants.

Isaac Newton

We should be the Giants for the next generation of women teachers, for all teachers, coming into the profession. Teaching and modelling that There is no 'right' image of a a leader in education. (She doesn't even have to wear a skirt @MsHMFL !)

My personal list of mantras is expanding for different moments;

     1. Eat the frog.

     2. Be 10% braver. Take the leap.

     3. I am strong. I am invincible. I am teacher. (Yes I've tweaked this one)

     4. Keep your head, heels & standards high.

     5. If in doubt make a fool of yourself.

     6. Sometimes do it quick & dirty.

I am going to continue working with a growth mindset to be better today than I was yesterday. Thank you to everyone at #WomenEd you are awesome!

The other huge event of yesterday was the rugby and as leaders we could learn a lot from them. They lost in the dying moments of the game against Wales yet they didn't give up; they prepared and went out in front of their critics and gave it everything knowing that everything still might be enough. We should do more of that and less falling at the first hurdle; instead of making them giants we need to make ourselves giants #makethemgiants 

COMMENTS [from original StaffRm post]

Hannah Wilson@misswilsey1 year ago

I think your 1-6 should become #WomenEd motivational posters!

Anita Devi@butterflycolour1 year ago

Great set of personal mantras

Julie Hunter@mshmfl1 year ago

Wellies and skirt today for PE drop in while kids did cross country

David Rogers@davidrogers1 year ago
I am doing my best not to gloat about the England performance (being a Welshman)... And I share your pain of small talk - I struggle. Thank you for sharing these ideas and mantras - be who you are and don't apologise for it!